Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I'm on a emotional roller coaster!

I took a nice soothing bath, washed my hair and picked out a decent outfit for today's interview. To only look at my phone an hour to late to see that my one chance of getting a job and career in one be flushed down the toilet. This might be the first post I've ever written that will reflected how I am really feeling at this very moment.

Do you think I wanted to bad, to strong, to something? I don't know but I know I'm not going to just sit around and wait for a phone call for some job that I know I'll hate anyway. I want to travel, I want to feel like I can do whatever I want and be successful because I went after the one thing I can become.

I couldn't make it to the audition and I did have a ride but something came up. I called the lady to tell her that I didn't have a ride to get there in time. I tried to keep my emotions in check I really did, but I ended up crying over the phone when she said that 3 rescheduled appointments was all she could give me. I'm not sure whether she felt sorry for me or took pity but when she gave me another chance and said to stop crying I did. Not everyone would do what she did for me today and I really thank her for that.

I didn't cry because I didn't know what else to do, I was crying because it felt like every time something good was coming my way, something else came up to fudge it up for me. So now I will be coming in on Saturday at 11:30 and if no one at all can take me or they have an excuse, I'm taking a bus up there by myself. I just can't take it anymore. My dreams has been up and down and my nerves are fried.

This opportunity has been dangling out of my reach for almost two weeks now and I think it's about time I grab a hold to it. If you can't rely on others to help you get there, it's time you reach for it and get it yourself. A modeling career with Barbizon and John Casablancas is a dream that I need to make happen. I have a life that I want to live, I can not sit around doing nothing or just work at any old McDonalds or Wal-mart. They don't call me back anyway so I have to do what I have to, to get to where I want to be in life.

Why do I have to settle for less when I want a lot better for myself? Do I really have to work somewhere that I know will get me nowhere in the future? I don't know whether I'm being selfish or unrealistic but I just can't see myself just doing something to only bring in money. I want to be happy enjoy myself and others around me. Is that so hard to ask for? Is that really all I'm capable for in this day and age?

Do you have a dream that seems to slip right from your finger tips the moment you try to grab for it? I do, actually I have many dreams. You want to know what they are... don't you?

My dreams:

*Get closer to God
*To model
* Get my degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management
*To travel
*Become a better blogger
*Write my own book(s)
*Help those in need
*Fly a plane without panicking on the inside.
*Move to Japan
*Buy my own house
*Buy my own car and motorcycle
*Live in Canada for a few months
*Get married to my boyfriend
*Prove to others that dreams do come true
*Go to the largest library in the world
*Make enough money to settle in a place other than my home city
*Give back to my home city
*Make someone else dream happen.

Those are my dreams, well the many that I can think of right off back. This is the list that I want to make happen. They aren't numbered because they aren't in any particular order. I want to mark off each item to see how far I've come in this year.

Wish me luck, because I will be needing it. I do want this and I need all the help I can get, and all the prayer to be received in getting this.
Thanks for reading and leave a comment. Maybe a little encouragement from my readers will help me as well. Have a grand day today my loves!